Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
