if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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