I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
