I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
