I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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