Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
