it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
