In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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