I wish my penis had an off switch
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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