I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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