is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
