he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
