after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
