I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
