part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
