My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
