You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
