So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
