I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
