I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Come share oat with me in your robe
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
