I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
