I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize