Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
