Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
