Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
