I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
