PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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