if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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