Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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