and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
