people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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