But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
