2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
