I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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