whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
