I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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