Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
