this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
