we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
