it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
