Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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