dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
