In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have post one night stand depression
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
