That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
