she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
