Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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