My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
