Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
