She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
