i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
