Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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