She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
