I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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