I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
