I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
