Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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