Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
