So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
being pregnant is like rehab
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
