Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just want nice things and good sex
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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