Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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