she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
