When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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