It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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