Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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