I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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