dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
