I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
