so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
