I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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