Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
