Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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