I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
