So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
