I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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