I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
