she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
