She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
